Hi this is Terri Borman, childcare provider and author of “Shapes Go to School.” This book teaches children about shapes, colors and diversity. It helps children to understand that everyone is different. This week’s blog is about teaching young children the four crucial C’s. By around age five the personality of a child is set so it is crucial the child understands the four C’s in the early years. Children who have all the four C’s are caring, cooperative, considerate and creative. Does your child have the four crucial C’s?
“I need to believe I have a place I belong.”
Children need to feel like they are connected and have value or else insecurity will set in. Here are some things we can do to help children feel connected.
1.) Show interest in each child and find out about their hobbies.
2.) Give positive attention to each child.
3.) Find and recognize strengths and talents of each child.
4.) Show acceptance of each child.
“I need to believe I can do it.”
Children need to believe in themselves or else inadequacy will set in and the power struggle will begin. They need to be encouraged to be self-reliant at every opportunity. Here are some things we can do to help children feel capable.
1.) Once a child has learned a new skill, allow them to keep doing it for themselves.
2.) Make a child’s mistake become a learning experience by demonstrating the correct way.
3.) Build a child’s confidence by believing in them and focusing on the improvement not the imperfection.
“I need to believe I can make a difference.”
Children need to believe they contribute and have value or else they may see themselves as being insignificant and feel the need for revenge. Here are some things we can do to make children feel like they count.
1.) Promote contribution by allowing the children to do a job every day that aides in the day to day activities and let them have an input in the scheduling and the activities for the day.
2.) Provide recognition by sending them a note about what you noticed and appreciated about them that day.
3.) Hold a meeting and let each child have a say about their likes and dislikes.
“I need to believe I can handle what comes.”
Children need to believe they can handle whatever situation arises or else they can feel a sense of hopelessness and give up. Children with courage will learn more quickly because they will persevere and not give up. Here are some things we can do to nurture courage in children.
1.) Become expertly trained in the skill of encouragement, meaning always encourage every child every day.
2.) Always focus on the effort and the improvement.
3.) Replace the traditional competitive style approaches with cooperative ones. It’s not always a race to the finish.
The Crucial Cs and Rudolf Dreikurs’ Short-Range Goals of Misbehavior
Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner
|Child’s belief||Child feels||Child’s negative goal||Adult feels||Adult’s impulse||Child’s response to correction|
|I only count when I’m being noticed||insecurealienated||ATTENTION||irritated annoyed||REMINDWhat, again?||“temporarily” stops|
|My strength is in showing you that you can’t make me and you can’t stop me.||inadequate,dependent others arein control||POWER||angrychallenged||FIGHTI insist that you do as I say.||misbehavior intensifies|
|I knew you were against me. No one really likes me. I’ll show you how it feels.||insignificant||REVENGEget backget even||hurt or wants to punish||PUNISHHow could you do this to me? us? them?
I’ll teach you a lesson.
|wants to get even,makes self disliked|
|I can’t do anything right so I won’t try. If I don’t try, my failures won’t be so obvious.||inferioruselesshopeless||AVOIDANCE display of inadequacy||despairI give up.hopeless||GIVE UP It’s no use.||passive,no change,more hopeless,displaysinadequacy|
Remember: Misbehavior is a symptom of the child’s discouragement at not having the Crucial Cs. Use encouragement and training through natural and logical consequences. Consider and agree on choices together.
|Crucial Cs||Constructive Alternatives||Child’s belief||Child feels||Child’s positive goal|
|CONNECT||Replace negative attention with positive attention. Plan activities together. Don’t ignore the child; ignore the misbehavior. Teach self-sufficiency.||I belong.||secure||COOPERATION|
|CAPABLE||Don’t try to win. Give opportunity and choices so child can display power constructively.Maintain friendly attitude.||I can do it.||competentself-control||SELF-RELIANCE|
|COUNT||Avoid anger and hurt feelings. Maintain, appreciation in relationship. Offer chances to help. Seek support and help in identifying positives.(Don’t give up.)||I matter. I can make a difference.||significant valuable||CONTRIBUTION|
|COURAGE||Notice only strengths and ignore the negative. Set up steady exposure to manageable tasks that have a guarantee of success.No criticism.||I can handle what comes.||hopefulwilling to try||RESILIENCY|
Copyright © 1995 Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner. The authors grant permission to copy this chart for educational purposes only, provided that the authors are cited.
I attended a child care training provided by the Tarrant County Professional Home Child Care Association April 9, 2014. The trainer, Tiffany Tepper, LCSW, spoke to us about guiding children’s behaviors and the four crucial C’s. She listed her resource as “A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Motivating Children.”
After further research, I found that the crucial C’s may have evolved from Alfred Adler’s theories. Alford Adler founded the Society of Individual Psychology in 1912 and his theories have played an essential role in a number of areas including child development.